Comments on: Is love really blind? Positive illusions in relationships

By: Jessica

Jessica — Sat, 16 Apr 2011 08:58:32 +0000

Oh gosh. Is this true? Have there been more studies about this? It is such a shock to be disabused like this. From past experience, I think this study is on to something. They should create more intriguing studies on relationships like this one.

By: Braeden @ Private Commericial Mortgage

Braeden @ Private Commericial Mortgage — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 15:47:40 +0000

That’s a very interesting and clever study, yet it doesn’t come as much of a surprise. Do you know what the percentage was that selected the actual face? Or was there even a percentage?

By: Warren Davies

Warren Davies — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 12:49:12 +0000

Yes I think that’s a really good model. I’m not sure what their success rate is but it makes sense – opposites do NOT attract, and we usually don’t actually know what we want, plus the other person might not be displaying themselves as they really are (apparently women report lower weight and men more height than is actually true. My own profile lists me as 7’3″).

1 – I’m not entirely sure about this, but, I would suggest that focusing on the good things, making conscious note of things you like about them and are grateful for – things like that might work, but I’m only guessing here really and don’t know of any direct research on the area. There are studies which test things like writing down three good things that happen each day, because over time it trains the mind to become more aware of good things that happen. Maybe a similar thing would work in a relationship? (If any psych students are reading this and need a good dissertation idea, there you go!).

2 – I saw a study which found that people who are more altruistic tend to have more positive illusions, but I can’t recall a study looking at personality traits off the top of my head.

In terms of optimists/pessimists, optimists are more likely to report still being in love later on than couples who did not idealise each other from the start (of marriage, in this study), and yes they are more likely to persist with the relationship, and have fewer conflicts and doubts about the relationship too.

As for eHarmony….hard to say. I very much doubt they measure that directly, but they might measure something that overlaps with positive illusions, such as general questions about optimism. Plus, even if they do accurately measure optimism (or something similar), it might be that someone is a low match on that with you, but a high match on everything else – so they are offered to you as a candidate anyway. I’m not sure how eHarmony calculate and measure things, and it all depends on that really.

Remember though, that optimism is just one part of the relationship puzzle, and these studies are looking at it in isolation. So although it seems beneficial, it’s not necessarily the be all and end all.

Cheers Claire, and good luck!

By: Warren Davies

Warren Davies — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 12:06:49 +0000

Yeah, could be that. After the initial excitement dies down the rose tinted glasses come off. Then it’s the real test of the relationship. Unfortunately some people are already married by this point!

By: Claire Benson

Claire Benson — Sat, 29 May 2010 17:51:15 +0000

This article really made me think! I took A-level psychology at school, but it never covered anything as interesting as this. And of course, I’ve got a vested interest – I’ve just started trying to find a new partner, using online dating. I’ve chosen to sign up with eHarmony because they aim to find compatible partners for a relationship, rather than me browsing profiles. But what I’m wondering is this:

1 – is there anything I can do to improve my own positive illusions (eg so that I don’t keep looking for Mr Right when Mr Alright is already in my life)?

2 – are there personality traits that make some people more likely to have positive illusions than others? So, for example, are optimists more likely to stick at a relationship than pessimists and if so, would the kind of personality matching that eHarmony does tend to deliver a better likelihood of finding somebody who has a similar level of illusions to me?

By: cat

cat — Fri, 28 May 2010 18:21:58 +0000

This is so true. And if you notice when you’re first dating someone, it works from the very beginning. I dated a guy that I found very attractive when I first met him. I thought him very handsome, but after about the third date I started to wonder what I had found attractive about him to begin with. After several more dates, I didn’t find him attractive at all. The reason I assume was that the more I got to know him, the more bored i became (the guy was BORING!) – which equaled to finding him less attractive physically? that’s my hunch.
.-= cat´s last blog ..Getting Back Together With Ex Boyfriend =-.