To highlight the end of Movember, I have compiled this list of top 5 cartoon mo’s. I actually got stuck trying to think of suitable candidates, so it’s not really THE top 5, but rather the…Top 5 Cartoon Mo’s That Warren Could Think Of In The Last 20 Minutes Or So!
I played SEGA, not Nintendo, when I was younger, so by rights I should not include a loser like Mario in this list. But objectively, he’s got a damn good mo’! I don’t like Mario, or his dumbass brother Luigi. Sonic the hedgehog; now there’s a character to lead a brand with. Sonic is fast, and has a lovable arragance to him. Plus he turns into Super Sonic when he get’s pumped up, which is just plain cool. Mario, on the the other hand is a slow, out of shape, half-wit. Ostensibly, he spends all his time eating pizza and getting fat, and if Bowser doesn’t kill him, arterial plaque will. Plus the guy appears to be addicted to ‘shrooms! What kind of a role model is he for kids? Nevertheless, his mo’ will always be legendary.
While density and pure mass are important aspects of a good mo’, there are other ways to impress, such as pure grooming skill. Think of Salvadore Dali, for an extreme example of this. Jafar fits in this category easily. Notice how the mo’ moves down from the nose, then moves outwards. That’s a very difficult look create and even more difficult to pull off, even for an evil bad guy in a Disney film. Jafar’s ultimate downfall in his battle with Alladin was not his mo’, however: A pasty-white American-accented street rat in an Arabic city?? Who’s he trying to kid? Illegal immigrant! Clearly! Jafar should have just had him deported.
3. Carter Pewterschmidt
Carter is one of my favourite characters in Family Guy, because the sound of his voice alone is funny, not to mention the scything remarks he fires off with it. The message alert on my phone is Carter saying “Alright! Goooo Medium! Wish I could talk to ghosts. That’d be sweeeeeeeeeeeet!!” This is the richest mo’ on the list; Carter owns both US Steel and CNN, the latter of which he won from Ted Turner in a poker game. I know this because I looked up ‘Carter Pewterschmidt’ on Wikipedia. I’m even getting good at spelling his last name: Pewterschmidt. Pewterschmidt. Pewterschmidt. Got it!
2. Ned Flanders
Sometimes Ned is so cheerful and good that it makes you sick. But you can’t help but feel a deep sense of awe for the mo’ he sports. His mo’ – one that can only be a combination of superior genetics, meticulous grooming, and divine intervention – is probably the saving grace of this character. Imagine a Simpsons with a clean shaven Ned. Doesn’t work does it? Ned’s impressive mo’ must surely be the reason he landed such an attractive wife. But it also got him second place on my list, which is better.
1. Yosemite Sam
I guess we all saw it coming. Have any amount of facial hair you want, and you still can’t beat Yosemite Sam. His face practically IS a mo’, with the only skin showing being that on his ears. His face-to-mo’ ratio is incredible. The greatness of his mo’ matched only by his belligerence, Sam made a worthy foe for Bugs Bunny. Although ultimately he was unable to defeat “that pesky rabbit”, there is one area in which Bugs could never compete with Sam. With a mere three whiskers on each side, Bugs’s mo’ is pathetic, whereas Yosemite Sam is unchallenged by anyone in the cartoon world, and the clear winner of this countdown!