Your brain on your brain on

Researchers at the University of Parody today published new findings on the effects of unimaginative neuroscience article titles on anxiety, depression, and the desire to throw shoes at your computer screen.

The research was inspired by the fact that every single time — EVERY SINGLE TIME — a study involving brain imaging is conducted on a new topic, articles pop up all over the internet with “Your Brain On” headlines. “Your Brain on Love.” “Your Brain on Literature.” “Your Brain on… whatever.”

Researchers split participants into two groups. The first was presented with a series of “Your Brain On” neuroscience article headlines, while the control group was repeatedly beaten with a stick.

Compared to the “Beatings” group, the “Headlines” group reported increased anxiety, depression and decreased will to live, however, this may be because the control group was told they had better report high scores or else the beatings would continue at considerably higher intensity.

The paper ends by indicating that science journalists should drop this article structure immediately in the name of all that is holy and righteous, and also that watching the following is advisable to all readers and writers of neuroscience.

Bill Hicks, “Your brain on drugs.” (not safe for work)

P.S. The source of the problem:

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